Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to
invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is
Gurmukh from Banga, District Hoshiarpur. I am ringing to inform
you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Gurmukh," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important
is your army?"
"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there
myself,my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and
kabadi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one
men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Bloody Hell " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again. "Mr. Hussein,
is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Banga STD, the war is still on! We
have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000
14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my
million since we last spoke."
"Oh teri ....." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get
ourselves airborne ..... We've modified Amrik's tractor by
a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's
generator. Four boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I
you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO
"Tera Bhala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
"Kiddan, Mr Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to
call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change
"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple
pegs last night,and decided there's no way we can feed two