A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
"No, I lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What element do women use to get dates?
What did the chemist say to a chic babe when he passed by her in his sports car?
Where does one put the dishes?
What does one do if one can't swim?
What happens when electrons lose their energy?
They get Bohr'ed.
What is Ba(Na)2 ?
What is NaCl(aq), NaCl(aq), C C C C C C C ?
Saline, saline, over the seven Cs
What do you do when you find a dead chemist?
What is the purpose of a doctor?
What do you call a convict who dresses up as a clown?
From way down in my cranium
This prediction I will make:
That if you eat uranium,
You'll get atomic ache.
A chemistry teacher one day decided to teach his class about the dangers of alcohol.
He thought up a neat little experiment, and showed it to his class.
He had two glass tumblers, one filled with clean water, and the other with whiskey. He placed a live worm in each glass. The worm in water was perfectly fine, however the worm which was dropped in whiskey died almost instantly.
Rather pleased with the experiment, he decided to ask the class what they could deduce from it. The class was silent for several seconds, until one boy at the back called out: "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"