1-A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet know to science - "governmentium." It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub particles called peons.



Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be detected however since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. A tiny amount of governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it take days.



Governmentium has a normal half life of three years. It doesn't decay but "re- organizes", a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as in the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.



This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration forming critical morass. Researches believe that in Governmentium, the more you re- organize, the morass you cover.

2- Mean Russian Jokes



America is fighting two wars: one with terrorism and another with obesity. It’s double luck when it finds a fat terrorist.



New TV show “Who want to be a millionaire”. Its host Vladimir Putin invites all Russian billionaires to participate.

When Jesus wants to punish America he sends storms, tornados, fires and floods. When he wants to punish other nations he sends Americans.

George Bush secretly visited Iraq. The level of secrecy was unprecedented. Only five persons knew about it. Lora Bush was informed an hour before the flight. George Bush wasn’t informed at all.

3- A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.



He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."



"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim." If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.



On the way home, the husband asked his wife.



"What did the doctor say?"



"You're going to die," she replied

4-What is height of Fashion?



Dhoti with a zip

5- What is height of Laziness?



Adopting a child.

6- What is height of Craziness?



Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.

7- What is height of Forgetfulness?



Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw



him / her last.

8- What is height of Stupidity?



A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.

9- What is height of Suicide?



A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.

10- What is height of Honesty?



A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.

11- While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea



with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership



philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with



intelligent people.



Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.



"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."



Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,



"Mr.Prime Minister, please answer this question: your



mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not



your brother or sister. Who is it?"





Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the



Kalam. He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush



nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush,



upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."



"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"





Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a



child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your



brother or your sister. Who is it?"



Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about



it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.



Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and



they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody



can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice



calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.



"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father



has a child, and this child is not your brother or your



sister. Who is it?"



Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,



finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I



know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"





And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan



Singh!"

12-  A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were



training to become



detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a



suspect, he shows the



first SARDAR a picture for 5 seconds and then hides



it.



"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"



The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch



him fast because he



only has one eye!"



The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the



picture I showed is



his side profile."





Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he



flashes the picture for



5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks him, "This is



your suspect, how



would you recognize him?"



The second SARDAR smiles, flips his hair and says,



"Ha! He'd be too easy



to catch because he only has one ear!"





The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter



with you two?? Of



course only one eye and one ear are showing because



it's a picture of his side



profile! Is that the best answer you can come up



with?"



Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the



picture to the third



SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your



suspect, how would



you recognize him?



He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid



answer."



The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment



and says, "The



suspect wears contact lenses."



The policeman is surprised and speechless because he



really doesn't know



himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.



"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a



few minutes while I



check his file and I'll get back to you on that."



He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the



suspect's file in



his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on



his face.





"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does



in fact wear contact



lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an



astute observation?"





"That's easy," the SARDAR replied. "He can't wear



regular glasses because



he only has one eye and one ear."





bolo ta ra ra ra*..

 Hope you like them.