E-StoreIndian Institute of Technology
The Indian Institutes of Technology
The Indian Institutes of Technology is another name for IIT, which is the acronym for Institute of Infinite Tension, Institute of Indian Technology, etc. These institutes of so-called national importance were set up by the Indian Parliament at seven campuses across India, decided purely on merits of political alliances of the ruling party. It was the mastermind of a certain Jawaharlal Nehru to reduce the average intelligence of Indians that led to the establishments of these institutes. Just like Zion in Matrix, where 3% of the people who do not accept the Matrix are gathered together to prevent dissent as a whole, IITs were formed by the Government of India to gather at one place the 2% of the intelligentsia of the country and dumb them down.
Admission
The geeks and nerds of India start preparing for IIT-JEE just after 10th standard of schooling. A very effective test of whether a guy is fit for getting into the IITs is asking a very simple question: "Do you have a girlfriend"? A guy who says anything else other than "What's a girl?" would not get through the test. Girls are considered unfit to get into IITs, though some girls manage to get the application forms as they look like guys. To make sure no girl gets through the system by bribing to get the application forms, the applicants are required to specify their gender and affix a photograph in the application form. Those faces that resemble anything girly are not selected.
The entrance exam, IIT-JEE, is an extremely selective undergrad admission process (accepting less than 2% of their applicants). As they say, if the input is right, the output is automatically right. The six-hour Joint Entrance Exam held, as the name suggests, jointly by IITs, consists only of questions on Physics, Chemistry and Maths and not on other exotic details like Booze, Drugs, Crime, Pr0n etc. which severely affect the quality of the incoming students. Since the Indians are well known for cramming up loads of information, questions in JEE are never repeated.
Education
The IIT curricula is carefully decided so that there is no scope of learning anything. The students, then, take up alternate learning routes, most common being Pr0n. The IIT alumni on knowing the tremendous potential of internet, provided all hostel rooms with free and unlimited internet connection. The IIT administration tried to propound their agenda by putting lecture videos on the LAN, but this is yet to be confirmed as this has not been tried by any student. The IITians are also forced to eat mess food, that prepares them for the worst they can ever face in their life.
The guys also learn how to make 50 palladins in 25 minutes and get three frags per shot. Some of the creative minds also make a quick buck by selling MMS clips online. Since there are assignments to be submitted every now and then, the guys also learn how to use Google adeptly. Photocopying centres are provided for every 100 metres of road so that time wasted in photocopying assignments is minimized. Lecture classes are held from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. IST (Indian Stretchable Time). It has been established by years of testing that the time can be stretched to as much as 30 minutes beyond provided it is backed by a cardinal excuse. The summary and results of many such experiments has been documented well in a book by an IITian titled "Five Point Someone: What not to do at an IIT". The book also deals with complex issue of dealing with a girl in IIT.
Life and culture (or lack thereof)
When entering the IIT, a guy has two options. The first is to take up the common learning route described above. Since IIT-JEE makes sure a lot of mavericks are selected, many of them also end up being happy among themselves. The girls in IITs, usually refered to as Non-Males and measured as parts of girl per million parts of guy, have to struggle keeping their identity as girl secret throughout their stay in IITs. Sometimes they are forced to tell the truth, like when a gay IITian proposes mistaking them for a guy.
Alumni
The alumni of these institutes have been very sucessful across the world (more in USA than in India). Most of them either get frustrated and leave technical education to study management at IIMs, or start a company of their own totally unrelated to their major discipline. There are also a select few who develop a fetish for studies and end up in institutes like Massachusetts Institute Of Technology. An interesting aspect is that, alumni of these institutes form the second-largest graduate student group at MIT, the largest being MIT undergrads and one day hope to colonise the whole of MIT campus.
Quotes on IITians
?These guys are total studs. Just like me.?
~ Oscar Wilde on IITians
?We are 'GAWDS'.?
~ IITians on themselves
?So am I.?
~ Douglas Adams on the previous quote
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an article of intrest:
Death of the Dinosaurs
Science, these days, thinks Dinosaurs were killed off by some massive world-wrecking force. Like a meteor or a vicious band of Hyper-Cubes. Me? I think differently. See, this science, it thinks it can be all super smart and all, but I've got the inside scoop. I do.
There was a fatal flaw in the plans of the Volcano Island Mountain scienticians, one which they had not at all anticipated, and that was this: competition. Little did they know, a certain Evil, Inc. had not only already completed and sent back The Terminator and George W. Bush, but they had also almost finished their super-secret Project Anti-Christ to thwart the plans of Jesus. Jesus Christ. Who may have been a dinosaur.
Finally, after years of fruitless court battles over the patent to the time machine, Evil, Inc., created a vicious army of dinosaur-killing robots (the Terminator) and destroyed the dinosaurs. All of them. Except raptors, who live underground these days.
So...I guess I lied about the punishment from the God. For proving it wrong. About the world being around for only five thousand years.
Another theory holds that over the top kitten huffing killed off the dinosaurs, but if you think about it, mammals were rare, so there wouldn't be any evolution...
Whatever the case, however, there is good evidence that the spirits of many dinosaurs may have been responsible for shaping human history through possession and genetically engineering White and Jewish people to be autistic savants, allowing the dino-demons to form public opinion and possess world leaders.
It is also a popular theory believed by scientists around the world that the dinosaurs died because you touch yourself at night, but this wouldn't make sense because as everyone know, masturbating kills kittens, who are mammals, and in this time period, would by genetics mean you wouldn't exist, but genetics doesn't matter to you, obviously, since s e x is designed to spread genetics, and frankly, you seem to be doing fine without a partner.
Yet another theory says that the dinosaurs died when tomato sauce was created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster and was sent into the earth at high velocities, killing the dinosaurs and giving the primates intelligence.
Yet another theory is that one day gravity simply stopped. All the dinosaurs outside floated off into space leaving only dinosaurs in caves, who thought "Hmmm, I must start theorizing gravity or I'll never be able to go outside and watch the trees grow." So they made a ship from unobtainium, travelled to the centre of the earth and planted nuclear charges to start the nucleus again. This is where Jules Vernes got his idea, 'Journey To The Centre Of The Earth' from. Unfortunately, all the unobtainium was used to create this ship so we can never actually venture into this realm to find out if this is true, which it is. Anyways, when the dinosaurs restarted the core all the dinosaurs that floated off came back at tremendous speeds. These then turned into flaming skeleton comets, which is where the most popular theory comes from, and also fossils.
PS:this is just for some recreation..no offence meant..those without comedic tastes myt jus keep quite.
Comments (4)
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/IIT
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but go a bit easy on d gender discrimination part...potentially hazardous!!