Here are a few of my favorite attorney and lawyer jokes.

How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!

 

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

 

How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say "Fees!"

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"