E-StoreRelax your mind before you go for the Ultimate Exam...
25 Feb 2008 22:13:35 IST
Relax your mind before you go for the Ultimate Exam...
JOKES
Interesting Letter to Microsoft
Here's an interesting letter to Microsoft:
Dear Microsoft Technical Support,
I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0
to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began giving unexpected
errors and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This
wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0
installs
itself into all other programs and launches during system
initialization
where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Boys
Night Out 2.5, and Cricket 5.3 no longer run and crash the system
whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday Sports Bar 6.3 always
fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep
Wife
1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite
applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but
uninstall doesn't work on this program.
With regards,
Sd/-User
THE REPLY :
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 > > thinking that Wife
1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Whereas Wife 1.0 is
an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything. You are
unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is
impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the
system once installed. Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0
or wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. See in manual
under alimony Support and Solicitors Fees). Having Wife 1.0 installed
myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties
as best you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think
has caused them, you must run the C: I APOLOGISE program and avoid
attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may be necessary to run C: I
APOLOGISE a number of times but hopefully eventually the operating
system will return to normal. Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance
program can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider
buying
additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not under any circumstances install Secretary36.24.36 (Short Skirt
version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the
system will almost certainly crash.
Thank you for using the program!!
PS: In no case try to install the free software (Mother-in-Law 1.0)
that
comes with WIFE 1.0 operating system. Installing the software would
lead to Not Responding messages from Wife1.0 operating system.
Sd/-For Microsoft
HEIGHT!!!!
HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each
other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through scraps.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no scraps for a week.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love scrap and doing a 'Send All.
HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:
A person sending scraps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting
a reply.
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending scrap to himself.
HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match .
HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded
back to
you By some one in the receiving chain.
HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout "F1 F1 F1?" instead of
shouting "HELP"
when u are unable to swim
HEIGHT OF MY DOSTI:
I always scrap, you don?t
HEIGHT OF HAVING NO WORK:
You people reading such scraps....
Email Ids of Indian Cricket team:
1.LAXMAN:
available@home- only.com
2.GANGULY:
nowdays@no_use.com but these day u can reach him at there_is_god@vensarkar_ pawar.com
3.KUMBLE:
only@test_match.com
4.SACHIN:
admitted@hospital.com
5.KAIF:
good@for_nothing.com
6.SEHWAG:
consistently@out_of_form.com
7.DRAVID :
stick@crease_like_fevicol.com
8.PATHAN:
takewickets@only_with_ kenya.com
9.GREG CHAPPELL
only_experiment@noresult.com
10.Munaf Patel
only_line&length@nospeed.com
11.Harbhajan Singh
no_spinpitch@nowicket.com
12. Suresh Raina
why_am_i_here@god_knows.com
Interesting Comments
Marriages are made in heaven,
then what are made in Hell?
Ans.: the days after marriage
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse?
He is given his last chance to run away.
I wrote your name on the sand ..............
it got washed away,
I wroteur
it got blown away,
So i wroteur
I got a HEART ATTACK
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But don?t worry - we are chain smokers
your smile can be compared to a flower
your voice can be compared to a cuckoo
your innocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
Dear Friend,
when I ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when I ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when I ask u a feather
u give me peacock....
....ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
when I call u;
1 ring means I?m thinking of u;
2 ring means I like u;
3 means I miss u;
4 means ..........pick d phone idiot
Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road.
change it to exclamatory sentence ..
Student: WOW !
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born.... until you fall in love
MEN....... Ha ha ha!!
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would
hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
Here's an interesting letter to Microsoft:
Dear Microsoft Technical Support,
I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0
to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began giving unexpected
errors and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This
wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0
installs
itself into all other programs and launches during system
initialization
where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Boys
Night Out 2.5, and Cricket 5.3 no longer run and crash the system
whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday Sports Bar 6.3 always
fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep
Wife
1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite
applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but
uninstall doesn't work on this program.
With regards,
Sd/-User
THE REPLY :
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 > > thinking that Wife
1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Whereas Wife 1.0 is
an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything. You are
unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to
Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is
impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the
system once installed. Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0
or wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. See in manual
under alimony Support and Solicitors Fees). Having Wife 1.0 installed
myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties
as best you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think
has caused them, you must run the C: I APOLOGISE program and avoid
attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may be necessary to run C: I
APOLOGISE a number of times but hopefully eventually the operating
system will return to normal. Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance
program can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider
buying
additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not under any circumstances install Secretary36.24.36 (Short Skirt
version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the
system will almost certainly crash.
Thank you for using the program!!
PS: In no case try to install the free software (Mother-in-Law 1.0)
that
comes with WIFE 1.0 operating system. Installing the software would
lead to Not Responding messages from Wife1.0 operating system.
Sd/-For Microsoft
HEIGHT!!!!
HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each
other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through scraps.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no scraps for a week.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love scrap and doing a 'Send All.
HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT:
A person sending scraps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting
a reply.
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending scrap to himself.
HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match .
HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded
back to
you By some one in the receiving chain.
HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout "F1 F1 F1?" instead of
shouting "HELP"
when u are unable to swim
HEIGHT OF MY DOSTI:
I always scrap, you don?t
HEIGHT OF HAVING NO WORK:
You people reading such scraps....
Email Ids of Indian Cricket team:
1.LAXMAN:
available@home- only.com
2.GANGULY:
nowdays@no_use.com but these day u can reach him at there_is_god@vensarkar_ pawar.com
3.KUMBLE:
only@test_match.com
4.SACHIN:
admitted@hospital.com
5.KAIF:
good@for_nothing.com
6.SEHWAG:
consistently@out_of_form.com
7.DRAVID :
stick@crease_like_fevicol.com
8.PATHAN:
takewickets@only_with_ kenya.com
9.GREG CHAPPELL
only_experiment@noresult.com
10.Munaf Patel
only_line&length@nospeed.com
11.Harbhajan Singh
no_spinpitch@nowicket.com
12. Suresh Raina
why_am_i_here@god_knows.com
Interesting Comments
Marriages are made in heaven,
then what are made in Hell?
Ans.: the days after marriage
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse?
He is given his last chance to run away.
I wrote your name on the sand ..............
it got washed away,
I wrote
it got blown away,
So i wrote
I got a HEART ATTACK
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But don?t worry - we are chain smokers
your smile can be compared to a flower
your voice can be compared to a cuckoo
your innocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
Dear Friend,
when I ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when I ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when I ask u a feather
u give me peacock....
....ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!
when I call u;
1 ring means I?m thinking of u;
2 ring means I like u;
3 means I miss u;
4 means ..........pick d phone idiot
Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road.
change it to exclamatory sentence ..
Student: WOW !
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born.... until you fall in love
MEN....... Ha ha ha!!
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would
hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
One day many years ago at a school in South London a
teacher said to
the class of 5-year-olds, " I'll give20 pounds to the child
who can tell me
who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St.
Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."
Then a
Scottish boy put his hand up
and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied,
"I'm sorry,
Hamish, that's not right either.
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said,
It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jignesh,
come up here and I'll
give you the20 pounds ."
As the teacher was giving Jignesh his money, she
said, "You know Jignesh,
since you're Gujarati, I was very surprised you said
Jesus Christ." Jignesh replied,"Yes, in my heart I
knew it was Lord
Krishna, but business is business ! ! ! "
teacher said to
the class of 5-year-olds, " I'll give
who can tell me
who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St.
Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."
Then a
Scottish boy put his hand up
and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied,
"I'm sorry,
Hamish, that's not right either.
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said,
It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jignesh,
come up here and I'll
give you the
As the teacher was giving Jignesh his money, she
said, "You know Jignesh,
since you're Gujarati, I was very surprised you said
Jesus Christ." Jignesh replied,"Yes, in my heart I
knew it was Lord
Krishna, but business is business ! ! ! "
Comments (8)
kundan a.k.a Juan Dankh
Blazing goIITian
Joined: 22 Dec 2007 11:48:27 IST
Posts: 550
25 Feb 2008 22:19:29 IST
Like
0 people liked this
best i've read in ages......honestly hillarious gud job.....i feel like giving 2 salutes...cheers
25 Feb 2008 22:23:43 IST
Like
0 people liked this
hey why my attitude not increased after the salute?
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