IIT JEE , AIEEE Forum - Fun Zone , Games, Puzzles and Quizzes

smartboy198062

entertaining topics (jokes)(updated)

smartboy198062

Superman

In the bar at the top of the Empire State Building there are two men sitting together. Guy #1 says to Guy #2, "I bet you that I can jump out of that window over there and come up those stairs in just 2 seconds."

Guy #2 doesn't believe him so he says, "I'd like to see you try!" Then Guy #1 jumps out the window and appears at the top of the stairs in just under 2 seconds. Guy #2 is flabbergasted.

Guy #1 then bets that he can jump out the window and come up the stairs with a beautiful woman in his arms. Guy #2 says, "That's impossible!" .

Guy #1 says, "You just watch." He does it and Guy #2 is really impressed but thinks: "Hey, this guy is really drunk so if he can do it, so can I."

He decides to try to show up this other guy and he jumps out the window. He splats himself all over the sidewalk.

Guy #1 watches him plummet to his messy death, laughs to himself at his own triumph, and walks back to the bar and resumes his seat. The bartender says, "Superman, you're really a jerk when you're drunk!"

anchitsaini

mere concept ko publicly copy kiya jaa raha hai.
mujhe abuse file karni padegi!!
copyright, patent apne kaam pe sab karna padega!!!!

smartboy198062

Death

A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell."

"I don't know!" she flounders.

"Tell you what," St. Peter says, "You can have 24 hours in heaven and 24 hours in hell. Then you have to decide where to spend eternity."

"Okay then," she says. "I'll start with heaven since I'm here already."

She goes in the pearly gates and makes some acquaintances. They have a nice walk among beautiful gardens. They have a nice quiet lunch. They have a nice stroll along a pristine, white, sandy beach looking out on brilliant blue ocean. At the end of the day she is shown to a nice room, and has a quiet meal on the balcony, looking out over the setting sun and the ocean. She marvels at the scenic beauty of heaven.

The next morning, St. Peter takes her to the fiery gates of hell and hands her off to Satan.

Satan takes her to a power breakfast given in her honor. Then she is escorted to a tennis club where she is greeted by her old boss, some co-workers, and previous business acquaintances. She plays a few sets of tennis and catches up on the gossip. At lunchtime her old boss takes her to a gourmet restaurant and she has an excellent meal with vintage wine.

After lunch he takes her to an exclusive golf course and they play 18 holes of golf. She runs into other business acquaintances and catches up on news and gossip.

After golf, he drops her at a spa where she is pampered and spoiled by beauty and body treatments. When she is finished at the spa, an acquaintance takes her shopping at designer stores. She picks out a fabulous evening gown, and Satan himself takes her to a huge party with drinking, dancing, gourmet food, and famous people.

At the end of the evening, a stretch limo drops her off at a five-star hotel. As she soaks in the Jacuzzi tub, and sips the complimentary champagne, she ponders eternity.

The next morning, she meets St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Well, have you made your decision?" He asks.

"I've decided on hell," she announces.

"So be it." St Peter waves goodbye and she reappears before the fiery gates of hell.

Once inside she is teamed up with her old boss again, only this time everyone is wearing rags. They are filthy, diseased, malnourished, and living in a barren desert. They have to scrounge for food, water, clothing, even shade.

"What happened!" She exclaimed.

"Well," said her boss, "Yesterday you were a recruit. Today you are staff."

smartboy198062

Smuggling

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!"

The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. The next day, the same thing happens.

The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

smartboy198062

Heart Transplant

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.

The doctor said, ?We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years.?

?I?ll take the lawyer?s heart,? said the patient.

After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did.

?It was easy,? the patient replied. ?I wanted a heart that hadn?t been used.?

smartboy198062

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented

as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then,

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

anchitsaini

chalo acha kiya kuch changes le aaye aap.

smartboy198062

Rich Man

There once was a man who was very rich who had lots of money, a big house and lots of women.

Well when a man has everything he gets bored. To reduce the boredom, our man had an annual party that was just amazing. Every year he would outdo the previous year. He was still bored.

One year he had an idea. He filled the pool with crocodiles. Halfway through the annual party, he announced: "Anyone who can swim through my pool and get out the other side still alive can have my house."

There was silence.

Then he added, "Anyone that can swim through my pool and get out the other side still alive can have my house and all my investments and stocks."

Still silence.

Sweetening the offer he added, "Anyone who can swim through my pool and get out the other side still alive, can have my house, my stocks, my investments and all my money."

Suddenly, there's a loud splash. There's a man in the pool fighting for his life with the crocodiles. It's a struggle, but he manages to swim across the pool. He just makes it to the other end and climbs out, half dead with one arm and one leg.

"Oh my god" Said the rich man that was incredible. "When do you want the house?"

"I don't want the house" said the poor guy.

"When do you want the money?"

"I don't want the money."

"When do you want all my stocks and investments?"

"I don't want your stocks and investments."

So the rich guy says "Well what do you want then?"

"I want the jerk that pushed me in."

smartboy198062

Computer Problems

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."

CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

smartboy198062

Barber

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen more lawyers waiting for a haircut.

smartboy198062

Engineer

An Engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks in his records and declares, "Ah, you are an Engineer. You seem to be in the wrong place."

So the Engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon the Engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell. Thanks to him, they have air-conditioning, flushing toilets and escalators. The Engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls up the Devil on the phone and says, "Hey, how are things are going down there?"

The Devil replies, "Things are great. We've got an Engineer and who knows what he'll think of next."

God replies "What! You've got an engineer! That's a mistake! Send him up here now!"

Satan says "No way!"

God replies, "If you don't I'll sue!" Satan laughs and answers, "Yeah, right! And where are you gonna get a lawyer?"

Ask & Discuss Questions with Community & Experts