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Old AGE!
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
& another one...
Age Test
This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 50 years of age can't do it!
1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is a cat
7. This is stupid cat
8. This is guy cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat
Now go back and read aloud the third word in each line from the top down . . .
New Exam pattern in India (Revised):
1. General students - Answer ALL questions.
2. OBC - WRITE ANY one question.
3. SC - ONLY READ questions.
4. ST - THANKS FOR COMING..
CHEERS TO RESERVATION
...No offence to anyone ...C'mon man ...its not entirely false . . .
What a coincidence? Go through this.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to congress in 1846
John F. Kennedy was elected to congress in 1946
Abraham Lincoln was elected president in 1860
John F. Kennedy was elected president in 1960
Both wives lost children while living in the white house
Both presidents were shot on a Friday
Both presidents were shot in the head
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln
Both were assassinated by southerners
Both were succeeded by southerners
Both successors were named Johnson
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939
Both assassins were known by their three names
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters
Lincoln was shot at the theater named Kennedy
Kennedy was shot in a car called Lincoln
Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials
AND HERE'S THE KICKER
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe
She was so thrilled to have him around, that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, "My husband's home! My husband's home.
Question and the Answer given by Candidates, they are IAS (Indian Administrative Services - One of the most difficult examination in India.
Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid
Sometimes just thinking out of the box is what it takes!
How to kill a lion
Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction..
Implies you
caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run
faster and will get
tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its
a Lion.If anyone
comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to
Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to
accept that its a lion .
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will
live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill
it, while it's
sleeping !
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion
in a dark room
with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be
highly irritated and
commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall
in love with each
other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another
lion. First lion
loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd
lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another
lioness (third)
into the forest.You don't understand right... ok....
read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good
scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:-
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-
Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-
Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:-
Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-
No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-
No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:-
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-
No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:-
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-
No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-
Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!
> Obviously "a poor joke"
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> Bcoz the joke part of it is
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Dear Sweetheart,
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses...
You are my sweetheart.
Your husband
Allen.
*His Wife replied back after some days to her Husband:*
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some
other items.....
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I
Hope I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!
Your Sweet Heart
MY`S FAVORITE
SLOGANS
- -IF GOD GIVE ME 24 HOURS........BEFORE DEATH..........THEN I WILL SPEND 23 HOURS AND 55 MINS WITH YOU AND LAST 5 MINS .......I WILL PRESS YOUR NECK AND SAY"CHAL NA YAAR SAATH CHALTEY HAI......"
-- SANTA:TU OFFICE ME SHER BAN KAR GHOMTA HAI,GHAR ME KYA HO GATA HAI?
BANTA:GAR ME BHI SHER HU,BAS DURGA SAWAR HO GATI HAI...................
--A.B.C.D.E.F. FULL FORM
"A Boy Can Do Everything For A Gal" REVERSE IS "Gal Forgets Everything Done and Catch new Boys Again "
--MAINE GOD SE PUCHA"RAAT KO NIND NAHI,DIN KO CHAIN NAHI,JI NAA LAGE KAHI,GO KYA YAHI PYAAR HAI ?"
GOD REPLIED"NAHI BETA PURA SAAL NAHI PADHNE WALO KA YAHI HAAL HAI........."
-- "ISS JAHAN MEIN AAE HO TO , KUCH AAISA KAR JAAO KADARDAAN,JISS GALI SE GUJRO,AAWAAZ AAE"
................................."ABBAJAAN"...................................
--KAL 1 SAPNA DEKHA K SWARG K 1 BADE HALL ME BHAGWAN NE HUMSAB KO APNE PAAP LIKHAR DENE KO KAHA.MAINE LIKHNA SHURU KIA HI THA K TUM CHILAE..."EXTRE SHEET PLEASE..........."
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the
world.
After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his
hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions: First - whatever happened to your medical
health care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your
husband shamed the office? And third - whatever happened to all those
things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies
that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right,
question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks
him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question?"
"I have five questions: First - whatever happened to your medical health
care plan? Second - why would you run for President after your husband
shamed the office? Third - whatever happened to all those things you
took when you left the White House? Fourth - why did the recess bell go
off 20 minutes early? And fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"
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Professor at IIMs explaining marketing concepts to Students:
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she
goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"