huh!!!!seems evry1 is feeling the heat of xamz!!!!cut off ,RTI,nu procedure, ranking, relative grading, !!!!!tac a break!!!!ull go mad if ur lik this juss b4 xamz...so ive collected sum humorous stuff!!!!so juss relax nd rock in ur xamz!!!!!
nd dont forget 2 rate me!!!!
Kalyug ki Kavita
Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha?
Tune 18 saal ki umar me mama kans ko mara,
BIN LADEN ko hath laga kar to dikha?
Tune Arjun ko to Saari Geeta sunayee,
Mere Project Manager se ek baar baat kar ke to dikha..
Tune to Arjun ka Sarathi banke Pandavon ko jitaaya
Indian Cricket team ka Coach ban ke WorldCup jitaake to dikha?
Tune bhari mehfil mein draupadi ko saree pehnai,
Mallika sherawat ko ek jodi kapde pehna ke to dikha?
Tune gokul ki 1600 gopiyan patai,
Meri company ki sirf ek ladki ko pata kar to dikha?
Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha?
Lessons in Logic
If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ....
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
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Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect..... .
so why practice?
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If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
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Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
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Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
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One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two
women.
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Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.
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The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
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Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
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Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
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"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ....
There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning
............ ......... ......... .... ..... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ....
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ....
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours
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God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ....
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
............ ......... ......... ......... . ........ ......... .......... ......... ......... ........
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........
1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books
Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
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Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test...nd now T20 getting even more popular!!
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Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
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Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
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Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
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Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
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Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
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Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .
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Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
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Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
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Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
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Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
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Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
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Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
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Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
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Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
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Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
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Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
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Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
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Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
***********
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
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Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
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Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
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Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
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Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
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Father:
A banker provided by nature.
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Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.
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Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
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Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
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Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills .
The Wife
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
A mild mannered man
A mild mannered man was tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he went to a psychiatrist. The doctor told him he had to develop self-esteem. The doctor gave him a booklet on assertiveness training, which he read on the way home.
When he walked through the door and his wife came to greet him, he told her, "From now on I'm the man of this house and my word is law.
When I come home from work, I want my dinner on the table. Now go upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed, because I'm going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get out of the tub, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The undertaker," she replied.
On their way home from the bar ...
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."
Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."
