these jokes are to feel you good when you feel discontented and sad.

 

 

 

how papers and movies r related :

Exams:kalyug

examiner:mrityudata

exam time:qyamat seqyamat tak

paper correction:andha kanun

question paper:paheli

ans paper:kora kagaz

marks:asambhav

result:sadma

pass:ajuba

fail;aksar

------------------------------------------

one day laloo prasad received a letter from bill clinton inviting him to washington dc. as laloo didn?t know to converse in english; he gets worried. so his secretary trains him to ask/ answer only a few questions and in the following order:



q : how are you?

a : i?m fine. what about you?

q : me too! thank you.



hence, trained thus, laloo reaches washington dc. but lo! he is stunned by the cleanliness of the airport(which, of course! he is not accustomed to seeing at patna.)

in this confusion he forgets the pattern of the questions and answers. hence, he starts asking his own pattern of questions on meeting bill clinton which are as follows:



laloo: who are you?(good

heavens! so he didn?t

know who mr. bill

clinton was?!)

clinton: (slightly surprised)

well! i?m hillary?s

husband.

laloo: me too! thank you.

-----------------------------------------------------------

mr. bean and doctor ;

Mr bean brain tumor



doctor : i regret to tell you that you

have a brain tumour.



mr. bean : yesss!!! (jumps in joy)



doctor : did you understand what i just

told you?



mr. bean : yes of course, do you think i?m

dumb?



doctor : then why are you so happy?



mr. bean : because that proves that i have a

brain!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr. bean while in grade school



teacher : what is 5 plus 4?



mr. bean : 9



teacher : what is 4 plus 5?



mr. bean : are you trying to fool me,

you?ve just twisted the figure, the answer

is

6!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Chemistry of love



symbol: ilu



atomic no. : 2



atomic weight: varies from couple to couple



position on periodic table: close to heart



occurrence: occurs in highly reactive state in college compounds, cinema halls, parks and bus stops.







method of preparation:



· by action of beauty upon heart, an exothermic reaction resulting in higher rate of blood circulation and faster heart beat.



· by combination of two complex compounds commonly known as a boy and a girl.



catalysts used:



friends, cousins, movies, restaurants and a highly active imagination.







reducing agents: parents, neighbors, teachers and society.



· girl + parents ª explosion resulting in loss of saline water from tear glands.



· boy + reducing agents ª rebellions



physical properties:







physical state : gas at human temperature.



color: varying shades of pink.



odor: strong enough to sweep one off one?s feet.







chemical properties:



· action on scientists : love + scientist ª philosopher



· action on teenagers : love + teenager ª poet



· reacts vigorously with suppression.



· cannot be dissociated by use of "scold" and "beat" energy.



uses:



· helps in food economy, as one who is in love forgets to eat and drink.



· small and subtle dosage is necessary, as it is good for the body and the mind.



· raw material for movie theme.



· non-conventional source of energy.



inference:



though chemistry and i tried to define love, it still remains undefined!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

jokes on customer care :

Customer: i have a huge problem. a friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time i move the mouse, it disappears.

===============



tech support: how may i help you?

customer: i?m writing my first e-mail.

tech support: ok, and what seems to be the problem?

customer: well, i have the letter ?a? in the address, but how do i get the circle around it?

===============



a woman customer called the canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

tech support: are you running it under windows?

customer: "no, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. the man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

Guy?s & gal?s do you know why the sardars laugh when it thunders?

i think you may not this cracking news

ans:they think "god" is taking their photo

so they "cheseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

-----------------------------------

Q. what did the sardar say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?

a. oh no, i?m going to fall again!

----------------------------------------

A sardarji joined a big company as a trainee. on his first day he

dialed a number and shouted into the phone,?abey saale! get me a coffee

quickly!?



the voice from the other side responded,?you fool you?ve dialed

the wrong extension! do you know who you?re talking to, dumbo?

?no?, replied the trainee.

?it?s the managing director of the company, you fool!?

the sardarji shouted back, ?and do you know who you are talking

to, you fool??

?no?, replied the managing director.

good!?, replied the sardarji and put down the phone!

------------------------------------------------------------

laaloo joke !

 

 

laloo prasad sent his bio data to apply for a post in microsoft corporation, usa. a few days later he got this reply:

dear mr. laloo prasad,

you do not meet our requirements. please do not send any further correspondence. no phone call shall be entertained.

thanks,

bill gates.

laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

he arranged a press conference: ?bhaiyon aur behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.?

everyone was delighted. laloo prasad continued? ?ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padhkar sunaongaa. par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

dear mr. laloo prasad

- pyare laloo prasad bhaiyya

you do not meet

- aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement

- humko to zaroorat hai

please do not send any furthur correspondance

- ab letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee

no phone call

- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained

- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

thanks

- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad

bill gates

- tohar bilva

_________________________________________
interviewer : tell me the opposite of good.

sardar : bad.

interviewer : come.

sardar : go.

interviewer : ugly.

sardar : pichlli.

interviewer : u g l y?

sardar : pichlly !!!!!!!

interviewer : shut up.

sardar : keep talking.

interviewer : get out.

sardar : come in.

interviewer : oh my god.

sardar : oh my devil.

interviewer : u r rejected.

sardar : i am selected. balle ballle.